It's late and I should just go to bed. 1/14/11

I'm fine until I see the words. 
I can look at pictures, I can still see your facebook page.
I'm okay with things that remind me of you, and I can look at pictures of us, although with a small amount of shame that makes my stomach churn. 

But when I saw the words...
I don't know what it was. 
I've heard your voice since, and I am okay with hearing you speak. 
I've heard the words since, and I'm okay with that too. 

But when I read the words, I heard them with your voice. I saw your face expressing it all. 
I recognized the tenderness and adoration stored behind them. 

It all comes back. 
All of it, except the piece of my heart I gave away. 
I don't know if I'll ever be able to retrieve it.



I don't know if I'll ever be able to give the leftovers away. 
(who wants stale, leftover hearts anyway?)
I thought I was giving the right amount of myself to the right person. 
Instead, I gave too much of myself to the wrong person. 

I don't know if I'll ever be the right person again.

How am I supposed to find the right person if I'm not the right person?