"If I had a star for every time you've made me smile;; 3/20/11

I'd be holding the whole night sky in the palm of my hand."

I'm... dating.
I suppose.

I always promised myself I wouldn't date. That was one of my rules. I was either in a relationship or I wasn't. I wasn't going to waste my time and break my heart over something so worldly and emotional.

But there I was, suggesting to you that we go on a date. Heck, a few dates. See where this goes.
Everything is always different with you, though. Always.

What else am I supposed to do? You have made it clear that you aren't ready for a commitment. You didn't really even have to say it... I know you aren't. I don't know that I am ready to be in a relationship either, but... I don't think I'm ready to stop caring for you (God only knows if I ever will be).

So we're trying this middle ground, in an attempt for me to not obsess over you, and maybe (even if you don't realize it) in the process you can feel less uneasy about a commitment.

[I sound like a psycho stalker right now, don't I? I promise... I'm not. You don't need to hide yo' kids or yo' wife, or even yo' husband.]

But... this is going to be odd. Training for Phoebe ensues:
If he doesn't text you every day, YOU WILL LIVE.
If he doesn't want to talk all the time, YOU WILL LIVE.
If he doesn't comfort you, YOU WILL LIVE.
If he doesn't seem to reciprocate feelings, YOU WILL LIVE.
If he wants nothing from you after this... well, you'll survive that, too.

It sure is easy to fall back into some of those habits though... My jacket still smells amazingly like you from that hug, and I smile every time you send me a 'cheer-up' text.

[Honestly, I am NOT INSANE. I know that basically everything in this post is arguing that, but... I'm not.]

"And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness.
'Cause none of it was ever worth the risk...
Well, you are the only exception..."

I'm out on a limb here, even though I'm not a huge fan of climbing trees. I just hope I don't hit every branch if I fall...

You're probably reading this, so I thought I should warn you:
I promised to not hate you, but I never promised to not love you.